My Humanity Got the Better of Me for a While

Oh, it's been too long since I posted here. And now it seems so silly since what I have been doing these past 6 months was reaching for the better-feeling thought, and the process I was going through would have been so perfect to share here. Ah, well, hindsight is 20-20, eh? Actually, truth be told, I was so deep in my "stuff" that I didn't even think of posting. Forgive me; my humanity got the better of me for a while.

So, looking back at my last post to this blog, I see how amazingly synchronous and right on my closing comments were about how I realized I wasn't falling out of alignment, but falling INTO alignment. The journey I have been on has been a process of allowing myself to shift my alignment to a whole new way of life!

It was a strange journey, and I'm glad to feel the change on the winds of my life finally. I can see now that I was not sure how to be without a corporate job ... or perhaps more accurate would be to state that I didn't know how to be without a corporate paycheck. I didn't know what it felt like to trust the universe to provide my sustenance through other means. I had to get my sea legs, as they say. I don't just mean the practicalities of our 3D life here on earth, but also that ethereal place of FEELING and EMOTIONS that we have to master as well. THAT place is where the biggest challenge really lies, and when we make the emotional journey, everything else (the 3D stuff) just falls in place like magic.

And that's what happened to me!

When I wasn't doing the business of my 3D life (and often even while I was), I was taking that emotional journey. I really did a dance with fear and doubt. "Where will the money come from? What if I can't make this work? I really want this to work (but I could feel that thought riding out from me on a wave of fear)."

As soon as I would catch myself generating negative thoughts, which seemed to come from some deep elusive place that I was simultaneously trying to find, I'd remind myself to pivot.

Oh! There's a negative thought!

PIVOT.

I'm clenching my jaw.

PIVOT.

I'm actually holding my breath!

PIVOT.

"Everything will be all right. I've been through far worse and come out shining. I would never hurt myself. The fairies of the universe love me and are doing everything in their power to help me succeed. This NOW moment is a million times more powerful than all my past moments PUT TOGETHER! I can do anything. I am a powerful force for good on this planet, including doing good for ME. All is well."

I'd keep rattling on with whatever positive thought I could find ... until my body sighed. Ahhhhhhhhhh. A natural sigh, falling out of me with ease, release and relief. Back in alignment once more. The sigh was my sign that I was truly there.

And on and on it went for months. Back and forth, until ... finally ... I was sighing a lot ... for no apparent reason ... just relaxed and enjoying my life. It was unfolding nicely. I had been afraid that I wouldn't allow myself to find this place actually, but all of a sudden ... I was there. And then things got really interesting and I started loving my life even more!

And yesterday, amidst all my deep New Year's Eve cleaning and organizing, all the sorting out what goes and what stays, all the making-room-for-more-good activities I do every New Year's Eve ... I found myself thoroughly enjoying myself, loving my life and everything in it. I felt a lump in my throat and tears prickling my eyes as I realized that I had NO doubt or fear, but rather that it had been replaced by a deep trust in All That Is to protect me and provide for me. No, it was more than that. It was a sense that there was a Force out there Whose only desire was to grant me the deepest desires of my heart!

Now who could ask for anything more?

Oh! My heart was fairly bursting with Love and Joy for this life and how well it was being lived. How well I was living it! Gratitude was pouring out of the depth of my being for the chance to live THIS life, with all its aspects ... those that we humans would call good, wonderful and divine, as well as those we might choose to call sad, painful or scary. I was in love with it all! The whole delicious package that I had embraced as MY LIFE seemed to have tickled the deepest part of me to no end! I was divinely happy. Totally saturated in this Happiness. Drunk as a skunk!

(I wonder where that phrase came from. Did someone really see a drunk skunk, or did someone just use it because it rhymed and someone else loved how funny it sounded and so used it too and it just kind of spread?)

I digress. Well, I guess I'm pretty done with this thought anyway ... for now. Bottom line: I'm back. And I'm feeling better than ever!

I just wanted you to know.